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Monday, March 2nd, 2009
1:28 am - long time
wow.. been a long time since ive been on here. so many blogs.. so many forgotten user names and passwords.

if you want to stay current on what i've been up to.. check out: http://satinesblog.com

its where you can see EVERYTHING.

latest blogs:

performance paintings
Submissive gone wrong
Valentines day flesh hook suspension
AVN after party

so much to do.. now i'm changing all my passwords so my old assistant/submissive cant get into anything. man.. he's worse than any exboyfriend i ever had. after he got out of the hospital he read my blog about him and threatens to get a R. order against me. how does that work? i'm the one who wrote him the email letting him go and ending it with "i never want to see you again". You just cant win when someone doesnt listen to the exact words you are saying.

Have fun reading satinesblog.com

~Satine - in and out of the flesh.

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Tuesday, May 27th, 2008
2:09 pm - Fitness, Health & a happy heart.
Well, this blog is being written to help sort some stuff out of my head. If it doesn't make any sense... well, sorry... well, not really sorry.

So, Since moving back from OZ i've had to sort through many things in my head. Breaking up with an ex-boyfriend and moving out of the country he's in. Starting over after quitting the industry. Facing my Child hood trauma issues, Facing my co-dependence issues. ... remembering why i am here.. why i do what i do.. why i live how i live. I forgot who i was. After Being Helena for so long, i forgot who Satine was. I was reminded once in a while that Satine was this wild and crazy chick who wouldn't let anything get in her way and no one could compromise anything she chose to do. She "Do what she want". Well, it turns out that that wasn't Satine at all. It was what people interpreted from her Myspace. Who is Satine? Who am I? Who was Helena?

All of these issues, thoughts, questions ... have been boiling in my head since i moved to Los Angeles 2 years ago. Who the hell am i trying to market. Well, now that i'm by myself, ive had a lot of time to think. Now that i'm stationary for a while, and not traveling and running away from my problems... ive had a lot of time to think.. and i'm still thinking. The Crazy Satine, the humble and patient Helena.. are both me. Without anyone to tell me how to live and how to think and what to do and what i shouldn't do i'm able to make my own choices. Yes... even at 27 I was still being told what to do and what not to do by quite a few people. Now.. i'm not. And its scary.

I was pretty good for the first month i was back in the US... Then I got lonely for xmas.. and started drinking. I was able to do it only a couple nights a week but when have i been able to moderate anything for very long. Not really. I'm pretty gung ho about everything, though i really truly try to pace myself. So, Every event that came up i was drinking.. and there were a lot of events. And then i was traveling all over the country and couldnt make it to gyms... Was Seeing a bunch of guys all over america... but the most important one said something to me that really turned a wrench in my guts as we layed on his bed after glowing at each other: "I never want to date you or anyone like you ever again". WOW. What a slap in the face. And i realized that all the efforts i was making towards this person were for nothing... So i drank more.. and i was so hurt around him all the time that i drank every time i was around him... even then it was all fine until i did the Master Cleanse. I thought i had found my Zen. I was at peace with myself and everything around me, but not at peace with all those demon thoughts in my brain. All the Letters from my past two ex's who told me i was a bad person, who said that i am disgusting for what i do... all of the negative thoughts that i thought i had brushed off... came to surface after i did the Cleanse.

You're supposed to jump off the cleanse by eating right and smoothies and liquid and raw and yadda yadda... but i really wanted to hurt myself so i Drank and ate as much as i possibly could. Waking up Alone day after day at the Clift Hotel.. HUGE Fancy Hotel room.. alone.. with my thoughts.. and lots of alcohol and men.. and my thoughts.. and the problems.. which were only numbed by the alcohol.

In 2 weeks i gained 15 lbs. I tried to eat right and go back to exercising but nothing was working. I was just packing on the pounds over and over. Apparently what my ex, Arcane warned me about was this thing called kitosis.. (not sure how to spell it) where when you starve yourself your body will end up storing EVERYTHING you eat. Yes.. he was right. So.. my suggestion is that if you are going to do the Master Cleanse.. its very important you come off of it the way the book & websites tell you to. its VERY important.

But i didn't.. and it was just another bit of self destruction that i liked to play in. I was alone, i was hurting inside. I had met a boy in February who was really awesome but being on tour so much was really not available. I wasn't ever really available either so it worked out for both of us. After cultivating our feelings for one another, a few months later we're totally filled with love with one another. Due to both of our Traveling nature, and my sex addiction & porn, we've decided to be in an open relationship. He's my 1. We have a 100% honest & open relationship. I tell him about Everything i do, he tells me everything he does.. and its beautiful. the Open-ness. He doesn't try to change me, doesn't tell me what to do, i don't want to tell him what to do. We're both Driven individuals who are complete workaholics and he has been super supportive of me and what i'm going through... alas.. he's not around. What i've found is how ABSOLUTELY co-dependent i am. I mean.. we're talking i am depressed when i am not sharing my life with someone.

Rather than going to Fetish Factory Anniversary Party for my birthday i decided to stay in LA to get my head straight. I was drinking WAAAY too much, eating crap on and off. and in the Midst of my depression.. i realized.. Holy hell. I'm in love again.. why am i doing this?

So there are 3 things i have to admit:
1. I am an alcoholic (a fun alcoholic.. but an alcoholic non the less)
2. I am a sex addict (i have formed my life around my addiction via porn & an honest open relationship)
3. I am a co-dependant. (simply not happy if i'm not in love or am sharing my days with someone male or female :ie: sandra my old wifey)

So, what i'm trying to say here.. and open to everyone is that everything was really good in my life for over 3 years.. there have been ups and downs.. but that's life. Being NOT depressed takes work.. SCRATCH THAT...


but there's one thing ive learned.


I do have a lot of skeletons in my closet, (which is why my b day present to myself is a therapist) but there is one thing that i have to admit. Life is amazing. and i forgot. the meaning of my life is to share love. with how many people? what kinds of love? who knows. But its the driving force in my life. When i have love in my heart i can do anything. Yea.. sounds cheezy i know. But in the realization of the Man that i'm crazy in love with (YES, Mr Siren.. its you.) and the friends that my heart beams for, i've been able to get off my ass and remember why i exist. To love. Simply. To show other people that there is more to life than just monotony. more to life than what is given to you in the box. Fuck the box. lol... Weather i'm just a tornado that has come in to touch your life or i'm in it every day... i would like to share simple human love with you. each one of you.

You are loved. You are loved. Weather you know it or not.. You are loved.

So.. how to sustain this remembered happiness?

Well.. i've set up a 3 week plan (you can start any habit in 21 days.)

IN the first 10 days my 3 week plan consists of the 10 day TONY ROBBINS audio books. I listened to them last year. And its funny because when i went through the audio books before, I didn't expect to need to listen to them again.. but its been about 7 months.. and i guess i just forgot. I know that he cheated on his wife.. but what he had to say really touched me and i looked past that fact and all the "god" references and took what i needed from the audio books and it was amazing.
So, yea.. that.. then after the 10th day, listening to LYNN GRABBHORN'S AUDIO BOOK: EXCUSE ME YOUR LIFE IS WAITING. This gives you the recipe for how to manifest happiness in your life. i must have listened to this book 5 or 6 times.. and guess what. I forgot. so its time to listen to it again.
And throughout all of this, i just bought the book that Arcane recommended which is by RAY KURZWEIL: FANTASTIC VOYAGE (the science behind radical life extension). it breaks down the what's, whys and hows of taking sustinance in to your body to optimize your cells. its pretty fantastic once you get to chapter 4. everything before that for me personally is a "why its so great that you bought this book". but for those of you who are not as into this, it may be good to read.

I've had to reschedule my ENTIRE life.. for the next 3 weeks to make this work. No late nights, parties have to wait till next month. Up by 7, in bed by 10pm. Why? well, as you'll see in my schedule the classes I am taking start at 9am. So i like to call this Workout School. the thing about it is that you cant just Make up a class. you cant arrive late to the class and expect to catch up.. you're either in it or you're not. and if you miss out theres not another class to take that day that will give you what you need.

While in Australia Arcane and I worked out every single day for over an hour a day. when i started taking the classes it ended up being 2 or 3 hours in the gym. My body never felt better. My mind was never clearer. My entire being hummed in happiness at what i was doing for myself, my temple.

SO.. this is the 3 week plan that ive created that i'm on day 4 of and i still am sore, but feel great. after every class & workout ive set aside 45 mins for 500 - 1000 situps, 100 back ups and stretching.

I'm working out at the HOLLYWOOD 24 HOUR FITNESS ON SUNSET AND VINE if anyone would like to join me. The classes are free. They're a great way to justify spending money on a gym Membership and makes the Gym heaps more fun! I hate going to the gym alone and i often think i'm not using the machines right. This way the classes are like having a personal trainer. And yes they do go around adjusting posture. And their push really helps. The thing to remember about working out (esp when using weights and cycling.. because people always forget this... is to keep your back straight, core tight (engaging your abs), pelvis tucked (to keep all of your back aligned, Shoulders back, chin up (to optimize breathing), knees slightly bent... every class the teachers tell the students this.. but only half listen. and you can tell in the way the bodies are being worked out that they're working their body into bad posture. Listen to what the trainers have to say. They know what they're doing.

This 21 day plan for me is based on my 2 month workout regiment in Australia. where i worked my body so hard to get to here:


Saturday: May 24: 9am cycle class
Sunday: May 25: 9am Weights class, 10am Cycle Class
Monday: May 26: 9am Cycle 10am Yoga
Tuesday: May 27: 10 mins jogging, 1hr of Leg machines, 10 mins Rowing Machine, 1 hr Arc Machine
Wednesday: May 28: 10am Cardio, 11am Yoga, 12 Bosu (core)
Thursday: May 29: 9am Core, 10am Yoga
Friday: May 30: 9am Bosu, 930 Pilates, 10am weights class
Saturday: May 31: 9am Camp (may have to rearrange to a cardio class later in the day)
Sunday: June 1: 10am Cycle
Monday: June 2: 9am Cycle, 10am upper body weights
Tuesday: June 3: 1030 pilates, 1145 abs, 12cycle
Wednesday: June 4: 11am Yoga, 12 Bosu 1 30 mins of cardio
Thursday: June 5: 10am Yoga 11am set 12 cycle
Friday: June 6: 9 Bosu 930 Bosu Pilates 10 Lift
Saturday: June 7: 9am camp, 10 Set, 11 Yoga
Sunday: June 8: 12 Yoga
Monday: June 9: 9am Cycle
Tuesday: June 10: 10am Dancers workout, 1030 pilates, 1145 ampd abs 12 cycle
Wednesday: June 11: 11am Yoga 12 Bosu 1pm cardio 30 mins
Thursday: June 12: 9am Core, 10am Yoga, 11am 45 mins cardio
Friday: June 13: 9am Bosu Pilates, 930 Bosu, 10 Lift 11am Cycle
Saturday: June 14: 10am Cycle

SUNDAY: June 15th.. my boyfriend comes home.. and i'm sexcercizing.. :)

So, that's my schedule.

Last but by no means least.. FooD & WATER InTAKE!!

So.. as for water, you should drink at least 4 calistoga bottles worth of water a day. spread them out, time them.. whatever you need to do. just do it.

I eat oatmeal when i wake up (raw rolled oats, fat free soy milk, protein powder & fiber powder and some fruit. A shake containing apple, orange, superfood, aloe, and cell mass. Then scurry off to the gym. ...

my entire days worth of Protein is 80 mgs.

I cut cheese (all dairy), Salt, bread (though i do eat mana bread sometimes as its live raw sprouted bread and is cooked to an appropriate "raw" food temparature. in the frozen section at ralphs.), rice, pasta, oil, fried foods.. all that is cut out.

What i'm left with.. Veggies & Fish. I steam a lot of stuff. Use a lot of seasonings and herbs. No salt, i use lemon instead.. Tomatoes or just tefflon pans on med - low heat instead of oil. I'm allergic to Garlic & Onions which makes going vegan hard because people think that garlic and onions are good in everything.. which is true.. i just cant eat it... but because of that i can taste food differently.. i can really taste the way food is in its natural state.. and its yummy... but still..i use a lot of seasonings... live herbs yummy.

AND .. i dont eat after 8pm.

It was hard at first. but now i'm getting used to it. The Mantra that i repeat in my head is when i'm working out is: "Its worth it. its worth it. its worth it."
... or another positive affirmation about what i like about myself. :ie: i'm strong, i'm lean.. etc..

When i pass by Pies or candies or junk food: "ITS NOT WORTH IT".

When I eat veggies while other people i'm with are eating junk food: "ITS WORTH IT".

Its all in what you believe. I know from living it that eating right and exercising like a crazy person makes my body feel magical. I'm at my happiest in my head and in my heart.. so i hope that these suggestions can help some of you.. any one else..
But that's what i'm up to..

And now to make the phone call that will forever change my life..

the therapist.....

~In love and with new focus

current mood: loved

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Monday, May 5th, 2008
3:35 pm - sketches may 5 2008
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this is THE Jon Siren of Man kind is obsolete (http://mankindisobsolete.com/)

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Zac Smith (http://www.zaxart.com) & Mandy Morbid (http://www.mandymorbid.com)
:D i love'm

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And a sketch from yesterday May 4th 2008

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Wednesday, January 23rd, 2008
8:07 am - a silly test
Your Bishop
Bondage Position

First your poor crotch was sore. I was nice and gave you these fine ropes. But do you appreciate it? Nooooo, all you can do is complain. I gave you the gag, but still naughty whimpering. Now you'll get something that really does hurt! And again and again for each little whimper and wiggle.

How would you be tied up?
Take the Bishop Bondage Test
(only 4 questions)

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Tuesday, January 22nd, 2008
5:42 am - my new place in Pacifica.
Hi everyone! So, now that i'm back in america i decided i need to live somewhere... and rather than just one somewhere... and since i do love san francisco so much, i am living in Pacifica with a photographer friend of mine. he had one room full of junk and said i could stay in it so i drove up from LA on Saturday and immediately cleaned it out. We went all around Serramonte and bought paint & linnens and got right back to work on the room. Larry had stuff in that room for years and had been meaning to sort it out. I'm just glad i could help out.
By 5am the entire place had been paint primed and ready to go. i had to sleep (i was getting paint everywhere) but woke up after a full nights rest and went right back to work. The painting went on till 1am and i got some of the decorations up.
Its a really cool room in the front of the house and i bought a double size air mattress so i can take it with me to my other apartment in LA (that i will be moving into in Feb.) and the room is set up so that he can shoot in it when i'm not around. Larry painted all the edges so i could just paint the room like crazy. And yes, i have Chocolate Satin sheets :)

i could say more but i'll let the photos do all the talking.


there's still work needed to be done on this room, but its aiight for now.


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Sunday, January 20th, 2008
3:11 pm - VEGAS Day: 3, 4, 5.. 6 7 8 ... oh my lord...
So. i think i wrote what happened on **THURSDAY** except for one thing. i finally met Alex La Marsh. she does makeup for many of my girlfriends and i've indirectly had some strange connections with her since i started fetish modeling a few years ago. it was really nice to meet her, she's amazingly beautiful and incredibly talented. it'll be nice to get to know her in the future as January is always saying such good things about her. :)

**THEN.. FRIDAY happened.**

(WARNING: if you don't want to read about my kinky sex-capades do not read on.. because i'm going into detail on this one)

So, i slept all day Friday, then went to the o so expensive gym for a few hours: took a cycling class then worked out more.. then got ready for the evening, Met up with Justin and went to Tao. Tao is way rad. i'd been there before but not to the back of it. it goes on forever. three floors.. booths galore. Justin starts buying me drink after drink and i'm just a freakin pussy cat at this point. dance stumbling around in a very tight latex outfit. my bondage shoes, peekaboo corset spanking skirt, china doll top held together by my latex corset. yummy. ... but my girlfriend Brianna Banks who was throwing the party wasnt there yet and i had the other party to go to.

On the way to the other party i ran into BaadMaster & Jason & Mindee & a few other people. I got to see (and snag) the new UNVANILLA.com tshirts & logo. WOW.. he's so talented! they look rad. So, Justin and i continue upstairs for the Porno Party of the century. Many of our friends were there Simon (did his amazing saran wrap suspension.), Moonlight, Liam, Tommy O, Sara, the guys from Dungeon Corp.... everyone looked amazing. And of course, ALL of the Men from the NewYorkFetishTribe looked amazing all lean and muscle bound. Gotta love'm. and Eddo.. he was the fairest of the land in his latex chaps & laced gauntlets. Ithat man knows how to take care of himself! and had more costume changes than i had!... other beautiful women were there: Natalie, stoya, Adrennalin... wow.. so many women.. so many men..

So, i had one job.. and that one job was "ORGYNATOR".. yep. i was in charge of Orgys. and Orgynate i did. And my o my, what a plaything i turned out to be. My peekaboo skirt i now call my girl glory hole. all my girlfriends wanted to touch... or did i just sit on their hands? And one of the most beautiful was one of my best girlfriends' hands: January. We dont play hardly at all, but quite often i just want to ravage her. then i did a bit. and happiness flooded the room. Then i got stabbed a bunch of times with the "SAMURAI" which is an electric metal dildo that has a big handle like a sword. the thing about it is its great when it stays in.. but if you pull it out while its on.. OWIE!!!

Everyone else seemed to be having so much fun. from regular vanilla sex to people getting pissed on & slapped around. EVERYTHING happened. it was delicious. really delicious to see so many of my friends participating. So many getting porno that i did NOT expect to!

In and out of each room i went and started a group here, a group there.. then my buddy Ron Jeremy came up and we made out for a good long time (i just love making out with him. he really knows what he's doing)... then i got really hungry and went to cafe Lux to eat. By the time i got back to the party there was sex going on!! yeayee. some sex was already over... so my work was done and i went to bed around 5am

it takes a lot to orgynate... and pretty much all of the time that means no actual sex for me. But it truly makes me happy organizing it.. getting people in the mood for it

**Day Blah Blah blah: SATURDAY**

Yea yea.. i slept for a few hours then POPED right up and went back down to the room where i was staying to throw some makeup on and wander down to the convention hall sporting a very cute purple Unvanilla crop hoodie. I thought i was being clever by wearing sunglasses & my military boots and pants.. but i got recognized anyway and did a little photoshoot. Yea.. where are all the photos from over the weekend. i was a dork and left my camera in San Francisco (at least in good hands. thank you Larry!!!)

Then i went right back to the room and started getting ready for the AVN awards. My date was Director Jake Malone of Evil Angel. I really like hanging out with him. he's a spastic Gemini just like me. Yea. we're crazy but it was nice going with a good friend. We had a lot of catching up to do.

So, he helps me into this awesome outfit that Larry from bootiful.com let me borrow (the little red latex dress) and then we were off to the awards. Once we got to Mandalay Bay we started to get lost.. then noticed this huge crowd of people. HUGE crowd of people and he had to use the restroom and left me in the middle of hundreds of men with cameras.. left me? oh that sounds terrible.. i was loving it. Clicks & flashes and "what's your name"... i ate it up. it is what gets me going. so much that i started dripping down the backs of my legs. pussy & sweat and my skirt started hiking up and i constantly had to keep it down. and men and their wives wanted photos.. and i almost forgot what it felt like. it feels FUCKING AMAZING!! ...
Then Jake drug me away. aparently we had a long way to walk to get to the show still. and there was a huge line of people forming a path. huge line of people with cameras. i was tickled the entire time. miaoo... then i realized it was gated off and we were on the right track. we ended up running into Nina Heartly & Ira Levine & T-Reel & Hollie Stevens & Jack the Zipper & Niki Hunter... it was so good to see my friends again.

We missed the red carpet because we got lost but got really good seats at one of the front tables..

... and 4 shots of vodka later.. it was time to go to the party and leave the show early. I wanted to go see January perform for the Siren Fashion show but by the time we got to the sex party it was already 1am and i had to stay.

... but was greeted at the door by a VERY cheery Ken Marcus who with a devious smile says "Satine... i have a present for you in the bathroom. come quick". and there she was.. Ms Berlin in her naked big boobied glory in the hot tub with the most bubbles i'd ever seen. so i got in with my latex dress and sat on her face all the way into the water. We did a delicious photoshoot in the bathroom. i CANT WAIT TO GET THE PHOTOS!!!! I fucking adore Berlin. She's in my top 3 playmates of all time now. We just mesh together. Seriously. She's amazing. and i want all of my friends to meet her. .. then Jason shows up... and my whole world is skewed in delight. i've got so many beautiful girls and him and booze.. and sex going on all around me.. so we take it to the living room... Shakai & mindee were there too!! :) i think my clothes were off at this point ???... and i got on the spanking bench and one of my girlfriends was down on me.. miss Mina Meow was sucking on my high heel.. one girl at my hand.. and one on my mouth. it was definitely a kodak moment. then i danced with Sara & Heather on the poles... teased moonlight by beating myself & dancing for her on the pole.. then took Jason into another room and topped him. It had been so long. i forgot how good it feels being on top. we went on a beautiful rollercoaster durring the scene. there were beautiful tears and yea.. i marked him.. i just need to practice more. but it was really beautiful. i felt so strong. and dancing with the flogger and knowing what its like to be on the receiving end really makes a difference... then Ron & Sunny lane (and this other amazingly beautiful woman who i cant remember her name.. bad satine) came in as i was calming Jason down and vibrating myself... and violet & her man were there... and i was all meowed up... then ... ....
then i started my period.. and then we went back to the hotel room.

nothing kills sex at a party... like starting ones period. it didnt stop me from having normal sex later.. but it's just not encouraged in public sex parties (i'm big on condoms no matter who sex is with esp during a swinger party)

So.. that was my part of the CRAZY Porno sex party.. you should have seen what everyone else was doing.

... sleeping happened.. a lot of sleeping.. i woke up at 10 to move my things to another room.. then back to sleep... then awake again around 5 i think.. then i went on a very VERY wonderful date.. after which.. or during which i fell asleep. mostly from exhaustion the date was fantastic.. it was the week of partying that did me in..

I couldnt take any more.. i flew back to LA and was picked up by Nica. She's letting me stay with her while i'm getting my life back together. she's a good good friend. i'm very lucky to have such good friends in my life.

Last night i went to blockbuster and found a new Terry Gilliam movie called TIDELAND. i think i'm going to watch it today. then set up a bank account, get a rental car. ... time to get my life back in order. it wont be so hard.. right?


current mood: busy

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Thursday, January 17th, 2008
3:10 pm - VEGAS: Day 2... Sober! & VEGAS: Day 3... The Crazies.
VEGAS: Day 2

So, after a wonderful sleep all day Wednesday. I picked up my badge then went with Nica to Have dinner with Ira & Nina. it was so nice to see them. i do enjoy their company so much. it was wonderful to have caught up with them.

Afterwards i headed to LAX with Zac Sabbath & Mandy Morbid. ... yeahhh..

then we headed back to the bar that everyone hangs out at and had a great time hanging out all night. Meeting and Mingling. Wow.. so much fun!.. and surprisingly so draining.

VEGAS: Day 3

After a good night of sleep i was well rested and Nica, Sinn Jade & i all got ready for the Convention. Nica left first so i packed them some water & power bars & walked Sinn to the floor. WOW.. it was packed. my head was reeling and i could feel the excitement in my veins. Walking from booth to booth i felt a bit separated from all of it & i went to the booths letting people know that i was back. it was like last year all over again, except they already knew me. Next year will be different for sure.

After wandering around the floor and hanging out at Sweetheart Video, Dungeon Corp & Naughty America i was off to my first shoot. A simple yet beautiful Solo in a bubble bath where i ended up loosing a piece of ice in my pussy.:D yea.. it was extremely cold! yumm...

Then i ran back to the Venitian and went to dinner with a very good friend of mine that i had not seen in a while. What a wonderful connection. Its amazing how people are linked through time & experiences. We get older and learn things about ourselves and others and you really just know that someone will forever be your friend. That knowledge makes my soul smile. Its amazing what you learn about yourself when you pay attention.

After saying our goodbyes i ran up to meet with the NY Fetish Tribe. What a fun group of people. We're very excited about the party this weekend. It's going to be FREAKIN INCREDIBLE!

... then off to Tao... but i realized i was just too tired. So i came back and cleaned... and here i am getting ready for tomorrow.

it was so crazy busy today that i havent had a chance to catch my breath...

current mood: awake

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Tuesday, January 15th, 2008
3:08 pm - VEGAS: DAY 1.. already hung over
Dear Diary... (January 8th)

So, i have been staying with my girlfriend NICA NOELLE in LA. Getting ready to come to VEGAS i told her that i hadn't watched any (xcept 3) of my own porn. I really had no idea what i looked like esp with Girl Girl. So... we stayed up watching our own Porn till 4am. we'd planned on sleeping at 12.

and we arrived in Vegas Last night. We met up with the guys in the company she works for: SWEETHEART VIDEO. Wow, what an amazing group of people. she always knows how to find the most down to earth people in the business.

I was feeling very shy last night. Not sure exactly why, but i think it might be due to the fact that i have not been around my Porno friends in such a long time. When i left the business last year before going to Australia i thought i had burned a few bridges, pissed off a few people and that my actions had hurt a hand full of people. So i was shy. I didn't know what to say or do. ... an apple martini later... and i had loosened up enough ... and throughout the night i got my mingle back. I almost forgot the feeling of running around the bar mingling with all of my old friends. Smiles and welcome backs were passed around and my heart was full again with the happiness of friendship. I forgot how fun my porno friends were. Granted there were a few grumpy industry people there.. but i apologized to those that i had wronged or owed things to. and rekindled friendships. Most of my friends just didnt know my new number when i moved back.

So it makes me think. Now that i'm back what am i comfortable with doing? am i going to do girl girl? boy girl? bondage? what are my limits? i found that returning to the US was not as easy as i thought it was going to be. I'm much more shy now. i have quite a few more limits than i did before. The thing about doing porn is that you have to KNOW what your limits are because people try to push them as far as they possibly can.

So, in my travels i had been very vague with my feelings on my blogs and And ive decided to be really honest with myself and everyone else once again. what i write will be complete & honest.

So.. its not even 2 pm yet.. i'm crazy hung over and resting to go party tonight. hopefully without too much alcohol involved. I was sober until xmas when Mindee had convinced me to have a shot.. and i binged till new years... but its AVN.. what a good reason to party :)

SO.. my new rule on drinking:
Drink only when in an extreemely happy state.
On Special occasions.

Ok.. time to go shower. thanks for listening everyone. :)

current mood: amused

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Thursday, December 6th, 2007
12:35 pm - Tasmania
SO, IVE got soooo much video & photos from O/our trip to Tasmania. it was phenominal! the most magical place on the planet.. by far. coming in second would be the galapagos. a place with perfectly clean air.. perfectly clean water... animals that are quite strange but are not afraid of humans.. had breakfast with a wild pademelon & lunch on the ridge of cradle mountain with a Carawong (black bird, kind of like a big magpie). I'll tell more of my explorations these past two weeks in my next blog. Went a week to Melbourne then a week in a caravan around Tasmania. When you see forests this pure.. its hard to leave. You can really feel how alive the planet is.. was.. this place has creatures & plants that havent evolved in 50,000 years. Ferns grow lush.. and giant.. all of the mamals are marsupials.. even the now extinct tasmanian tiger had a pouch.

so, because i have to edit all of the photos & video i scanned in the post cards i'm sending to my friends. they really capture how lush & amazing this place is. most of the island is untouched (mainly the west.) Launceston & Hobart are built up and are quite a contrast to the beauty of the land.

ive traveled all over america, into canada, mexico, through the busy city of hong kong to a tiny village amongst the limestone mountains of china, to the tiny village of zambales, phillipines that i was born in, even to the dense cities in Japan... and nothing compares to the untouched beauty of Tasmania.

and remember.. the colors in the photos are really how tasmania looks. seriously. the plants are really that colorful. has to do with the quality of air & water. hope you enjoy them.


"may you never thirst"


current mood: awake

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Tuesday, November 20th, 2007
3:30 am - my first spread in an international magazine!
YEAYEE me! i just picked up a magazine with a 3 page spread of yours truly. the shoot was in september when i had blonde hair. yeayeeeeee it was pretty cute. it's in People Magazine. the people magazine in Australia. it's more like not as good as but same genre of magazine as FHM.. but i'm in it.. and there are tons more boobs in it too.. so ya'll betta get it.

leaving for Melbourne on wednesday then for Tasmania on the 28th. will be back in Sydney on Dec 5th then to Maquarie weekend (the D&D convention) for 3 days of D&D... yea...
we played cyberpunk for the first time (in 12 years) yesterday.. haa ahhhhhh.. yea.. so what.. i love role playing games. they're freaking awesome.. and i keep out of trouble. my cyber punk girl is a cute little asian tech girl named Aki. i cant wait to draw her... and the D&D game i played on saturday... i'm a swashbuckling pirate named bixou (yes, after charise)!! ya! more characters to draw :D

that's all for now..



current mood: amused

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Tuesday, October 23rd, 2007
2:12 am - bat vids
so.. just figured out how to get this up. it's rad though since the quality is so bad you cant really see it the way i saw it with my naked eye. seriously.. there were so many more than is seen and as we walked with them.. they filled the darkness.

so. these are images of the gardens on the opposite side of the sydney opera house. there is this strange structure that i'm in .. right near the entrance of the park... that is of barbed wire & animal bone & hatchet & other eerie things... though it's really nice to look at from afar.


first: BATS


ive got THE bats!

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then the cute little chickies crossing the road.:


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Wire Cage:


And other wonderful sights of the Park :


note... Master at the bottom of page .. well, in the process of shaving off His beard i asked Him to shave it off little by little. and He had this fun mustache... lasted maybe 24 hrs before He couldnt stand it. i thought it was cute :)

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Sunday, October 21st, 2007
9:39 pm - Experiences last forever
So, ive been here for what... 3 months now? Days fly by very fast, and my experiences on a day to day basis are pretty tame, but amazing on a different level than going out and partying my ass off like i did nightly in Hollywood & SF. Life is quite a bit different with the absence of alcohol & Drugs... i've been clean-ish for a while with the occasional sip of wine or port once in a blue moon. The working out has been less intense as i've been experiencing Outside life. but i still go just about every day & i eat quite well, with the slight addition of toast to my brekkie:

Toast the bread (whole grain.. i like multi seed). on the bread put a spread (we have different cashew spreads from the grocers), saute in a sprinkle of water: spinach & mushrooms. place that over the spread. Slice fresh avocados & roma tomato over the spinach & mushies. wipe down pan with water cloth to remove anything from the pan. be careful not to burn cloth. cook eggs sunny side up and place over everything. eat with fingers or utensils.

i never use butter, salt or cooking spray. all ingredients are fresh & bread is very healthy... and i swear it's the best breakfast you'll ever have. you can put smoked salmon on it too if you like that salty flavor or just sashimi salmon if you want more protein.


So... yea. came up with that one on my own.

W/we've been going all over the place the past week & a half and ive barely been online. over a week ago W/we went to the Botanical gardens next to the Sydney Opera House. These garden grounds are AMAZING.. seriously huge. W/we go there pretty late but saw the rose gardens & herb gardens & they have this eel infested pond that is pitch black. didnt see any eels though... but did see a duck family crossing the road and have a pretty cute video of these chicks... yea.. cotton candy (fairy floss) sweet. So.. walking to the Tropical green house i look up and notice bats sleeping. i cant believe how close W/we are to them. then i notice that what i thought was just drooping leaves were ALL bats. Looking around W/we realize that every tree for about an entire city block squared was covered in sleeping bats. some would move in their sleep, stretch their wings a bit... basically we found Sydney's BAT NEST. ... SO W/we waited till dark. The sun went down at 6pm and at 6:12 the entire night sky was infested in bats. turns out that they make a trip from the Gardens all the way to centennial park (where i live) and back again every day. I've never seen anything like it. W/we were walking around and it was EXACTLY like the movie PITCH BLACK. and they would fly all around U/us. you could practically reach out and touch them sometimes. and walking back while they were flying, passing the pond, W/we'd see them swoop down and drink or feed from the water. and YES.. i totally got this on video tape. you can kind of see how intense it was, but i dont think the camera captured how many there were in the sky. it was FUCKING FANTASTIC! i'll post the video on Youtube.com for sure.

a few days later i did an interview with People Magazine here in OZ. i'm not sure what issue i'll be in. and when i say People Magazine, the one in Australia is like FHM. it was during the first shoot (the one with the weights). it was a shower scene where i'm all wet and makeup is smeared. really fun. So, they got a good interview out of me, talked a bit about Tantra & my past sexcapades. Who knows what they'll put in the Mag. But i'm pretty excited about it.

Decided to learn Portuguese .. and then i went into my computer and found i had a bunch of Portuguese Language learning Material from DJ Sentient when i stole all of his music (THANKS LITTLE B!!!)

Went to the Beach Yesterday or the day before... my days are such a blur. Ran on the beach right along where the water comes onto the shore. and when the tide would come up i would have to hike my knees up really high to run over the waves... well.. turns out that it's the hardest way to run on the beach and i'm totally suffering for it. luckily i love pain & love to complain so not being able to walk very well really is fun.. and when i was working out with Emily today in the gym, teaching her quite a few tricks... i taught her my jumping jacks with weights (about 2-5 kilo dumbells in each hand while you do 4 sets of 25 looks great on the shoulders. just have to remember to keep the posture good: chin high, shoulders back, core tight, pelvis tucked... body like a board while jumping-jacking)... yea.. so i did those with her.. and my calfs hurt.. I had taken a week off of weights, only doing cardio this week... but i'm back on weights now & my min of 500 situps/day. the red head photo i was only doing 200 every other day... not so gung ho.

Why am i gung ho again?

W/we got an email requesting us to Perform in Perth (the West Coast of Australia) for Halloween. SOOOOO excited!!! we're going to get there a few days early & stay a few days later to travel the coast & camp a bit. The Club we'll be Performing at i think is a Strip club. a short show upstairs, not so hardcore and a hardcore half hour performance downstairs. Since our last show was only 7 mins long W/we're really excited to have more time. W/we just look so good performing together and i wish all of my friends could be there for it. it's amazing. W/we have video of our last Performance but i cant post it on anything but my site because i was totally nude. and that's another thing about the clubs here. TOTALLY naked YEP.. it's rad! and all the fire play O/our hearts can desire. So, i've got a week to shred out again. unfortunately that means no more rice, bread or sugar (yeaye splenda).

AND then we got another call to perform in Melbourne somewhere around the 27th of November for a big BDSM festival thingy.. i'll post more about it as it nears. so, we'll be there for a week as well. Finally getting to do a bit of touring. Its been heaps cold here. not quite as warm as they advert to Americans.... and the flies.. they dont tell you about the bugs at ALL. OH geez.. but you get used to them.. as long as you can keep them from flying in your mouth.. ruthless flies. bleh. they acutally have these hats that people wear that havd dangling corks hanging from them to keep the flies away. they look rediculous, but if you knew how bad it was, you'd wear them too!

W/we went to Hellfire last Friday. It was HEAPS of fun! W/we did this scene.. and i was warned before that it would be hardcore.. and i was so excited because i've been so hungry to play. O/our apt is a studio and W/we'd knock things over if floggers were swung about.. so W/we've not played very much except when W/we go out. LUCKILY the scene is strong here and there are quite a bit of parties. .. so.. there i am.. being Flogged like crazy.. my back is arched HUNGRY for the pain.. and i mean HUNGRY for it!! so Master takes Four of His Floggers and WHAM WHAM one swing after another matching the beat of the Music playing. i was simply in heaven.. BUTT NAKED in front of a huge crowd.. blind folded then i felt a flogger come up between my leggs when i realized that the cord of the balls that i had inserted in my pussy (so that i could feel each thud jingle inside of me) had come out. i can only imagine that it looked like a tampon string to some people. and i started laughing my ass off inside at the thought. i knew it was the double bell balls... and i'm not into humiliation play... but MAN ... to be someone watching .. HAHAHA... then Someone (DALE) gave Master 4th of july Sparklers and THAT was super fun! i could feel a slight heat, smell HEAVY burning of something and once in a while one of the sparks would nip my skin. i was told it looked cool and the burning smell freaked me out more than anything else. At this time i'm facing the crowd all NEKID. then my rope is untied, blindfold still on and Master gets behind me. He wraps my hands, still bound around his neck behind me so i'm arched nicely for all to see. and i realize that he's about to take my nipple clamps off.
(*Note, i had to call 4 earlier when they were put on. on a scale of 1-5, being i cant feel anything and 3 being perfect and 5 being WAY TOO MUCH... not a red call, but a different type of yellow call, or a way to ask for more. 4 in this case means if you leave them on at this level, it will distract from all other sensations and i wont be able to experience the scene the way you want me to)
... So, horny as FUCK i'm rubbing my ass on him, hear people in the crowd saying sexy things about my tits.. abs.. legs, etc... then he takes one off and it hurt so bad i screamed so loud that you could hear me all the way across the club.. and with the music playing and its a big club.. that says alot!! in the middle of the scream i grabbed pulled myself into a ball, both legs in the air lifting myself by rope on Masters neck. just briefly.. i mean.. FUCK it hurt.. a lot!!!! and then
i started giggling my ass off.. and the anticipation for the next clamp was so intense and fun.. it was just so fun and i screamed at the next one and laughed and almost passed out from the pain. i was DEFINITELY in Endorphin heaven! WAAY in heaven. drooly in heaven. Dale & Chris were great at monitoring the crowd.

Tuesday W/we went to see Resident Evil and DRAG my girlfriend Jo with us. She's soo cute. She doesnt watch scary movies because they give her nightmares. i love nightmares. monster ones anyway. So the whole time we were eeping and eeking freaking out the people next to us. and the thing that is beautiful about Mila in this movie is her outfit which she was the assistant costume designer on her own costume. she was Burning Man-riffic! all dirty, all layer-ey... you gotta see it!! the inner lesbian in me was as Wet as melted ice cream.

i just found out how fun it is to hug myself today. also i cuddled with my "self" tattoo and remembered why i go it.

I had a dream the other night about my Mother. which is wierd because we're not close at all.. at all. and i dreamed that she died and that i was back in my house in Sacramento. the big Spanish Villa looking house i grew up in. and i was sorting things out. My dad was already dead in the dream. not that it makes a difference. and there i was trying to move my brother and sister back in with me and being really sad but doing what i had to do.. then right in the middle of it i started crying and my heart was really in pain and i just started crying so hard, so hard that it woke me up and i was crying awake. i went to my phone to call her.. didnt have her number, didnt have dad's number.. or brothers' or sisters' or uncles or aunties..... that made me think a bit. wow.. i am really not in touch with ANY of them... then i looked in my computer and they were there. ... but no one answered and some were out of service. Eventually my brother called me back and because of my message he called them and found out that a few days earlier my mom fell in the tub right on her face and had to be rushed to the hospital. That was really wierd. And it was very strange because i have no connection with my mother or father.. yet half way around the world i find out that there's something connecting us. Not sure what it is.. but its something.

it makes me think of the bats. how they communicate on a different level than we do. And that there are things that drive us in our life and different perceptions that we dont really understand but use (power of positive thinking)... all of the brain games i played as a kid with my dad... there's so much more to our minds. Most people just go day by day: working, sleeping, eating, pooping, drinking, fucking... sometimes reading.. sometimes working out, sometimes watching something on tv or at the movies.. or playing video games (i'm not knocking that at all, i collect video game consoles)... but there's so much more the brain can be used for so many things that we might be capable... of were someone to research it. which is why ive been so fascinated with hormone replacements and workout regiments and eating right and bio psychology ... i think that when we have the art of living mastered we'll be able to pursue wider avenues of communication & perception.


...today we had our first D&D meeting. Master found a group of adults who were interested in playing and amazingly.. we're not cliche at all!!! Master is a Psychologist (life coaching), i'm me.. comic book artist.. model.. there's an Corporate analyst, Em (the astro physicist) just finished her thesis on turbulence... something about ecresion disks.. i can never remember the whole name.. its very clever. .. there's a guy who does post production for TV & another guy who works for medical & his girl who programs. ... i think i might be the most cliche being a comic book artist.. but we agreed to start creating characters on the 10th of November.. and we'll most of us be at the international Dungeons & Dragons Gaming day at our local Gaming stores on Nov 3&4th.


PORNEROTOONS.com Just introduced my character to the world. what ive seen of it is TOTALLY RAD. i'll post it very soon. i'll also post tons of video & photos soon. been too busy to edit anything.

I recently uploaded to Satinephoenix.com a new video. i know, its been sooo long, but my web guys are finally done editing tons of videos of mine. they're really great guys.

and i want to say i'm really sorry to my fans who wrote me requesting signed photos. ... i'd send them out but the same girl that kidnapped my dog & all of my tax information also kidnapped all of my printed photos & my box of movies to give away. so... yea.. miao.

Well, off to watch an anime now: Tales from EarthSEA

May all your dreams come true...
and may the path of enlightenment brighten before you.


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Tuesday, October 9th, 2007
2:45 am - since the end of sept..
From Hellfire Performance Sept 21st:




Last weekend was full of fun & excitement.
Friday, Master & i decided to "fuck" our workout and went to Darling harbor for the Latin Festival. We danced our asses off & watched a really rad capoiera exhibition. One of our favorite things is to watch the fire works. sooo great here!

Saturday we went back to Darling harbor to the Latin festival, then the Skilled migration convention then took a ferry out to Manly Beach to meet up with a VERY talented Couple who happen to both be photographers. TALENTED photographers! We didn't shoot but are definitely going to!

Then Sunday.. oh man o man.. Master & i were GUARRRRDS.. over night guards at a party location. From 7pm to 7am... and i was giddy with the thought that i was so dressed down and that no one knew that i was a porn star.. or that i liked to be suspended by rope & violated till i cry. haha... My life is so silly.

But it was fantastic!! 7am walking around a field looking for dropped change. it's amazing how much change people loose when they get hammered at raves. Seriously. i made 26.00 and that's only because i found out about the treasure hunt an hour before my shift ended. other guys made about $50 - $100 in change.. thank OZians for making gold one and two dollar coins. .. but i was so exhausted that i spent it all on french toast & cab rides to the beach..

note to self: french toast, chocolate, maple syrup, avocado, eggs, mushrooms, tomato & Beets... BETTER SEPARATE... do not mix.

So, that was a really fun day...

THEN... mid week we went to the zoo!! that was rad. the animals they have in this part of the world are really silly!!! kangaroos.. koalas (not acttually bears.. and they dont drink water, just get moisture from eucaliptus leaves * side note: the eucaliptus leaves on the other side of the golden gate bridge was transported there from Australia.*) and they have duck billed platipi and echidnas (porcupines) and both lay eggs. Freakin Wierd.. and i knew about the platipi.. but the porcupines too? strange. and how some animals ( marcupials) where the baby crawls out of the body into the pouch.. HOLY CRAP.. that's cool... and the wide range of birds... so many birds!!

THEN we finally found the clubs that we have been looking for here in Sydney. THE places to go are: HOME (darling harbor/cockle bay) Cargo Bar (cockle bay) Hugo (kings cross). Home is the best, with the best disco trance music. 4 rooms, heaps of bars and drunk dancing people. yeayeee... dancing being the key because people just dont dance much here. people just really lie to stand around, drink & talk (preferably at the same time, drinking though always coming first. and it's especially wierd because the drinking age is 18, and there's all these 16 & 17 yr olds that sneak into clubs.. i imagine it being crazy accidently hitting on a 16 yr old..

aaand. well, those who know me know i dont watch tv... however i do watch movies.. and i started obsessing over 6 feet under quite a few years ago (until it got silly) then LOST... which i left my entire collection on my other computer. (sigh) So, i just rented all 4 discs of firefly, the tv show that came before serenity the movie. MY GOD.. that guy is a good writer. it's like watching an anime with really good actors. great story, great cinematography ... and i'm hooked.. and i'm on episode 12 now.. and it will be over in two more episodes.. yea.. traumatic. i wish things could just run on and on like in Futurama :)

Movies to reccomend:
Stardust (written by neil gaiman, now in theaters)
Layer cake

I've been talking with a couple of websites about art lately.
They just posted a new comic with me in it. Fun stuff!

uploaded these to utube:


jump rope:

current mood: amused

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Wednesday, September 12th, 2007
4:08 pm - whatsyourfavoritefetish.com and magazine layout
SOOO much has been going on. first things first:

HELLFIRE club - Sydney Australia.
FRIDAY 21 of September

hellfire blog

Master is going to light me on fire. it's going to be AWESOME!

AAAAAAANNNND... since satinephoenix.com is up and running.. ive finally started my next website. 1 down, 4 to go.... you can see the splash page of it now. i'm so excited about this new site. it's going to be a list of as many fetishes as i can get people to perform. so, i'm not going to claim EVERY fetish... but i AM going to try to get them all on here. ive come across things that i cant/personally wont have up: poo, kids, some animals (eels are fun to watch), snuff, nazi.... i'm going to look into the legality of posting certain fetishes online... but i want to get as many legal items as i possibly can online!

so.. please welcome:


YEP, that's What's your favorite fetish dot com.. i'm so excited about it!! i want to know how deliciously pervy everyone is.
So, please let me know what your fetish is. you can write me at satine@satinephoenix.com or just list your fetish in the comment box below this blog.

so, now i'm just gathering photographers & models for the site. only the perviest of the pervs, the site will have beautiful photography of everything. from tire licking to double anal to girls in latex to ... everything.. listed from a-z.


another spread came out in a magazine. by Earl Miller.. for Club International Magazine. October issue. it's really cool because there were these two little LITTLE girls i was shooting with. 18 & 19.. and they called it Satine's Sex Shoppe. i got to use all sorts of toys on these girls. FUN FUN FUN.. we played contortionists that day. you gotta check it out.

and i think it's time i change my hair again.. the blonde was fun, but it's not exactly me. i do like it once in a while.. but i miss having big dark hair. so i'mna start with some fire red colors.

and yesterday i went for a walk to the park.. it was only a 5 min walk and the park was big like golden gate park but without all the people. it was beautiful and the birds here are so exotic. wild parrots, cocateus, black swans.. birds ive never seen before.. flying all over the place.. sounded like i was in a jungle.. but it was just the park :D the photos i took of the sky was so amazing. this place is so amazing... a serious dream land. a very much british mixed with american culture.

and i saw ratattouie last night. not sure how its spelled.. it was really amazing and really explains my food fetish. i have to admit that i got a bit turned on watching that cartoon.

That's what's going on in mah world.

current mood: amused

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Master & i will be performing at HELLFIRE club here in SYDNEY australia.

hellfire blog

it's going to be so much fun he's going to light me on FIRE!!!

Friday the 21st of Sept.


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Monday, September 3rd, 2007
2:45 am - FLOATATION TANKS & photos & things


so.. things have been rad here. my previous posting about SICKO has been opened again... due to Ms Teen USA.. actually i cant even talk about it. it's so filthy.. i believe she speaks even more clearly about the US than i will ever need to try to explain..


The weather is clearing up fast and the beach is only 10 mins away...
Dropped my calorie intake down to 1500/day min. Burning at least 600.
Played dress up yesterday at a Dungeon with Dress up Chris' wardrobe & my new friend Estrelle. (latin for Star)
Went club hopping & danced O/our ASSES off till 5am.

been cooking up a storm. apparently.. i can cook.. and have been just about every day since W/we moved into this new Studio. APPARENTLY.. i'm an incredible cook and can throw anything together to make a meal you'd never forget. since i cant just go out to dinner every night like i used to, ive taught myself how to recreate those type of dishes at home. and it doesn't even take much effort at all. maybe 20 mins max. mostly it's cutting things up and figuring out what will go with what fish that takes the most time. That's what i cook, fish & veggies... and tofu. ... protein shakes & Museli. .. and the occasional healthy french toast (fruit yoghurt or soy instead of maple syrup)

oh yea, i fell. been very clumsy with my feet... but i fell, prat fall right in the grocery store in the peanut isle. i stepped on a pen.. and down i fell like a monster giant right down on my knee that kept sliding and bam right on my side on my shoulder. luckily ive been working out like a mad woman and my reflexes were crazy fast and my muscles took the impact. i only ended up with a giant bruise on my leg.. but i didnt realize how much control i had in my body to not let my head hit the ground at all. What a stunt. i need better traction on my high heels....

So one thing, one of the MANY things i took for granted back in California... was having a bathtub. There's a drought here so the entire country has special half flush toilets and stand up showers... but there is something amazing about a simple bath. being able to take a bath and relax. it's under appreciated... SO.. W/we looked for a local hot tub.. and instead found a FLOATATION TANK. THAT was awesome. It is a container that closes completely with hidden air holes that is 2ft full of water (maybe 2 ft or 1ft and has tons of epsom salt in it to keep you boyant). You put in ear plugs and have a choice to float for $40/hr with or without music. i chose without music. i've only meditated a hand full of times in my life but this was really surreal. .. AND i felt so comfortable. i often dreamed about being suspended so i would have people suspend me by rope and swing me around (thank you charlie)... but there would always be some strain or dizzyness from the rope & or swinging. This allows you to float in water that is exactly your body temperature and air that is is the same temperature... giving you that floating feeling.

so many thoughts went through my head. i started to meditate for about 10 minutes then got distracted when i almost started to panic about water getting into my ear. .. then all of a sudden i became very content & relaxed and just let the floating sensation take over me. the absolute darkness, the sensory deprivation... it all felt perfect. it all felt like home and i didn't want to leave. the stillness of self when it has nothing to react to... the stillness...

i cant wait to go to the desert. I think W/we might go to Ayers rock soon before the heat wave makes it impossible.

i want to be in a big dry, wide, open space.
to feel the sun kissing every inch of my skin
and the earths surface grounding my feet connecting me to everyone
and the empty completeness of existence coursing through my veins.
i want to swallow the earth with my soul
and be swallowed in the vastness of the universe.

i've experienced the passion of innocence, the Sensuality of experience, the pleasures of the skin, a connection of minds... and i want to feel and learn and passionately experience more.. so much more.. because there is so much out there that i don't know.. so much. i simply want to drink it all in.

the following are from the shoot i did yesterday with Estrelle. it was pretty much a dress up day with Dress Up Chris and Master took the photos. we didn't have any lighting, just what was in the house. but we had a great time playing dressup.















current mood: accomplished

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Wednesday, August 29th, 2007
12:50 pm - SATINEPHOENIX.com & things
HORRAY!!!! SATINEPHOENIX.com is now a pay site!! WEEEEE YEAYEE.. got some cool photosets up. very excited. i'm getting used to the site & how to upload blogs and such. I'll get the hang of it soon. also there are a couple of glitches but with everyone's help, i'll be able to fix them and turn the site into a truly amazing piece of art.

So..Yesterday was sooo much fun! i got to see the Lunar Eclipse ...



...and eat a delicious bow of Udon ...


...from the local noodle house. I had a gelato ...


...with a high level of deliciosity. ...

Ok, let me explain this one. normally movies here in Australia cost about 16.00/person so on tuesdays it's 8.50 movies, so Tuesday has become movie day and movie day is also 7th day (indulgence day). only max of 5 indulgences (of which include a bowl of noodles as i really should not eat for my diet & workout regiment, popcorn, gelato, etc.) but on TUESDAY.... tuesday is the day that i can have what ive been craving over the week. not like an entire box of cookies or chocolate or anything, but a few pieces to satisfy my taste buds. what ive learned from this is that after a couple of weeks you really just dont want to indulge as much. i find that it just interrupts my workout schedule and makes me feel icky for a few days after.

normally i have 3 protien shakes (120g of protein) per day and a piece of fish, veggies, and a bown of museli to start my day. OMG MUSELI.


in my shake: FAST whey protein powder (isolate. though hydrolized isolate is the best but pretty expensive) (40g) , spirulina, creatine(cellmass)ethelmastr malate NOT MONOHYDRATE)), L-glutamine, Aloe, banana, water (sometimes applejuice or soy milk), glucosamine/condroitin (ms3)...

and ive been working out every day, even on my slow days i'll do at least 40 mins of cardio. it really makes a difference. but ive found that i take the classes that the gym offers for free and i tone up faster (high low impact, yoga, pilates, core, group weights) ... waaay faster, not to mention the spinning class once a week.

well.. off to start my day now. I love feeling productive, almost as much as being productive. i really feel like everything is falling into place now.

Miao :D

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2:39 am - i'm BACK!!.. IN action that is.
i'm back on the internet now. tons more time now that i've taken a HUGE break from adult work. it didnt give me the time i neede to .. well, live life. i found myself working too much and not playing nearly enough. now i've moved to Australia & am working out every day. Working on tons of projects and a few websites of my own.

i do miss my girlfriends though.

tonight i watched the lunar eclipse and there wasnt any smog to bother my vision. the Sydney sky is amazing. Master is taking me to the observatory tomorrow. i cant wait to learn a whole new sky.

i miss orion

~Satine Phoenix

current mood: accomplished

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Monday, December 5th, 2005
12:46 pm - my first entry
i havent used this since highschool.. and i havent been in highschool for like 8 years. i'm wondering how this is all going to turn out, putting my thoughts out to the public.

current mood: devious

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